Personal Score: (This One Goes To) 11
The following is a parody review posted to gameinformer.com on April 1st.
The Mystical Seed of Courage was everything everyone ever wanted in a Zelda game, and then some. Released in 2001 alongside the Oracle games for the GBC, TMSOC released on the GBC, N64, PS1 and PC to universal acclaim. Gamers everywhere found something to love within the folds of it’s incomparably complex narrative and unparalleled strides in gameplay innovation. Not only did it replicate the significance of A Link to The Past and Ocarina of Time, it rendered them virtually purposeless, standing on it’s own original foundations. Simultaneously reinventing what it meant to play video games and appealing to the vast depths of gamer nostalgia, TMSOC will never be equaled in any form of media.
No mention of the story need be written in this blog, as I’m sure we’re all intimately familiar with the ins and outs of the Greatest Story Ever Told. The romantic nature of Zelda and Link’s relationship is finally fleshed out, and the illusive kiss between the two finally takes place in one of the several genius story arcs. We finally see what the Goddesses look like and why they created Hyrule in the first place. The history of Ganondorf’s eyebrows and why they connect to his hair and beard brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it. Tingle and Link explore their unique relationship in new and exciting ways, ways that are most likely burned into gamer’s memories (for better or for worse). We finally discover the truth of Termina and how Link is able to travel so freely between alternate dimensions. The massive twist involving Master Chief and Samus is also noteworthy, having inspired several fan fictions following the release of TMSOC. I know for a fact that nobody could have predicted the inclusion of Sephiroth. If the story of The Mystical Seed of Courage were turned into a book, it would outsell the Bible in less than a day. If it were turned into a concept album or rock opera, the Beatles and Mozart would likely be considered superfluous in the grand scheme of musical history when compared to TMSOC’s greatness.
Gamer’s dreams finally came true.
The gameplay set industry standards. Z-targeting was perfected, choice-driven narrative was taken to new levels, and the use of a Mortal Kombat-like fatality system appealed to ‘Mature Gamers’ (TMSOC is credited with dispelling the myth that Nintendo catered exclusively to ‘Kiddie Gamers’). Who can forget the first time gamers were finally given control of Zelda herself? The controls for Link translated beautifully to Zelda and Ganondorf respectively. While Link’s control scheme felt familiar and traditional, Zelda’s control scheme challenged players to use magic-based attacks and knowledge of Hyrule lore when overcoming enemies and solving puzzles. When controlling Ganondorf, players were given full control of his vast and terrible sorcery, as well as his brutal sword-skills. Now matter what system players chose to play The Mystical Seed of Courage on, the controls were flawless. F*cking flawless, I tell you.
The single greatest moment in video game history.
The graphics in TMSOC are used consistently as an example of ‘standing the test of time.’ The game was even outlawed in several countries because it caused so many individual’s eyes to bleed profusely from incomprehensible brilliance. Utilizing cutting edge technology, Nintendo breathed life into the land of Hyrule that would make Virtual Reality green with envy. The folds of Link’s tunic are, like, so cool-looking. You can even see Zelda’s individual strands of hair composing Wagner-esque symphonies on a microscopic level, which is a testament to Miyamoto’s deep love for Gesamtkunstwerk. Ganondorf’s nose can be zoomed in on, revealing that his magnificent snoz is the actual Universe in which the rest of the Zelda games take place. Picasso is said to have participated in the development of the visuals through the use of psychic mediums. Truly spectacular.
Are you kidding? There are none.
We must all take a moment out of each day and revel in the radiance of The Mystical Seed of Courage’s impact on the Zelda Universe and gaming in general. Without The Mystical Seed of Courage, we would not have Halo, Call of Duty, blogging, or Michael Bay films. I cannot think of a more significant date in history than when Nintendo released this glorious masterpiece. For those of you who haven’t played it (forgetting the fact that you’re probably a Mole Person), go out and buy it (it’s continually re-released for all major consoles, so it should be easy to obtain).
For those of you that think this is some parody blog for April Fools’ Day…